Reflecting on 2018 and Goals of 2019

I recently posted on Instagram about how every time I look back on the year, I just think how little I’ve actually done. When you’re disabled, have limited mobility, chronic fatigue syndrome, and generally not a lot of energy, it’s extremely hard to do a fraction of what abled people can do. It’s even harder not to constantly compare. As much as I understand my condition and have learnt my limits, I still find myself feeling guilty and angry with myself when I can’t do a lot, or even a little. Thankfully, I work from home and my blog is at a point where it’s my job. I haven’t had any social media clients for over a year and that means I’ve relied on sponsored posts and campaigns. I’ve always been a motivated person and although I’m always behind on my press samples, I’ve never missed a campaign deadline. I’m proud of that, but I don’t have many so it’s doable.

I received so many messages telling me that people relate to feeling like this so much, and it really does help me and others to know we’re not alone. Many messages said how we have to be kind to ourselves and if one day all we’ve managed to do is sit up or shower, then that’s great too. I’m really going to try to be easier on myself in 2019, but at the same time, I really DO want to try and do more. Not to push my body or hurt myself, but just for my mental health. I’ll still know my limits, and now with my wheelchair I can go out for slightly longer, although the fatigue afterwards is no different. I guess why I wanted to write this is because I want to be able to look back. Whether this time next year I’m even more depressed than now, or if I’m thriving and really pleased with myself. I just love having the space to be able to talk about things like this, get help from others, help others by talking about it, and be able to look back.

(Navabi Manon Baptiste Embroidered Midi Dress £200, wearing a size 26 as it comes up small. Yellow coat is from the Newlook Sale, £10. Shoes are Evans EEE fit.) 

So, as I’m trying to look back positively, here are some of my work and personal highlights of 2018:

• Parfait Perfect Figure Lingerie Campaign.
• Working with US Brand, Rosegal.
• My Pet Story with Pet Plan, my fur babies first campaign!
• Being Featured in the Plus+ by Bethany Rutter (click to go to Amazon)
• Working with George at Asda.
• Being open about my blogging rate card.
• Murder Mystery Party with my family, just for fun.
• Working with my Dad on Father’s Day posts.
• Our family holiday and creating look books.
• Working with Whiskas with my fur babies.
• Creating Halloween Looks (My favourite is the Spider Queen)
• Making new friends.
• Posting a photo in my wheelchair for the first time.
• Working with Missguided Curve.
• Throwing a birthday party for my cats.

(Yours Clothing Burgundy Dress, £39.99 size 24. Newlook coat, Newlook Shoes.) 

There’s been so much talk of ‘manifesting’ this year and talking things into existence. I’ve seen people tweet that they want to achieve a certain thing, work with a certain brand, and it’s happened, the brand have replied, they achieved it. It has been so inspirational and motivation to see, so I wanted some of that action. I sat down with my mum last week and talked about the things that I wanted to achieve, the things I want to talk into existence. I started to realise that my list wasn’t half as ambitious as it would have been years ago, and that upset me. After a couple pep talks I’ve realised that whatever I manage is a huge achievement and I should be happy with whatever I end up doing, even if it’s not many at all. I’m not being unrealistic with my list, I’m not going to put on to talk daily mile long walks, because I know I can’t. Instead I came up with these things I’d like to aim for:

• Create Youtube Videos, mainly beauty tutorials as they are requested so much.
• Get a couple social media clients again, for guaranteed income.
• Finally return to London for a press event in the first half of the year.
• Do a mini holiday in Europe, we’re thinking Barcelona.
• Shoot a beauty campaign with a brand I love like False Eyelashes, TheBalm, Stila, Pixi, something that I use constantly.
• Keep up with Spanish lessons on Duolingo.
• Be in a fashion campaign in my wheelchair.
• Be paid for my fashion posts so I can work with photographers.
• Work with photographers, on my list so far is @Oliviajlphoto, @jkgphotography, and @fordtography.
• Work with more pet brands.
• Travel around the UK like me and Alfie used to.
• Carry on trying out Yorkshire based spas.

(Yours Clothing Star Print Dress, size 24, £39.99, Evans Sequin Shoes.)

I got a little carried away with ideas there, but mainly I just want to have fun. I love my job so doing more things with it would be amazing, and generally just getting to spend more time actually out and making memories. Let’s see what 2019 brings!

Do you struggle with feeling guilty because of your chronic pain? Check out the lovely comments on my Instagram post, hopefully they will help you too.